Another Surgery... and a Painful Wait

If anyone who reads this could pray for me, I am having surgery tomorrow for 3 kidney stones that are coming down but stuck on the right side. About 6 weeks ago I started feeling some pain and thought it might be a kidney stone, but it took awhile for me to confirm that it was a stone and not pain from the Crohn's Disease. After I started getting these certain bladder pains that I always get with the stones, I knew. Well, I tried to just let them pass at home, but that didn't work, so a month later I had an appointment with my urologist and we decided to do ESWL (Shockwave Lithotripsy) to break up the stones, and I was pretty surprised to know that I had not one, not two, but THREE stuck and one of them is a large one that is blocking the flow of urine and causing swelling and lowered kidney function.

To make a long story short, my pain started becoming unbearable and there weren't any meds that I could take at home that could help the pain. I had to go the ER, but they sent me home after "doing what they could" with some IV pain meds because they said they don't admit patients just for pain control. What?!?!?! (Later I found out this is not true; if they would've contacted my urologist, he would've admitted me.) So I'm supposed to just sit at home with 10 out of 10 pain and no one can help me? Yes, that's what happened. Too many miscommunications with the ER not contacting my urologist, and my pain management Dr. not helping because his opinion is that taking extra pain meds won't help anyway and that I just need to get the stones out. Well, the hospital only has this special shockwave machine once every TWO WEEKS so I had to wait! I couldn't believe I had no way of getting help except if I went BACK to the emergency room.... but, by God's grace, I got through the last 5 days just barely, and now surgery is tomorrow morning.

If you could pray specifically that I will not only have a perfect surgery, but also that the stones after being blasted will pass cleanly through without them having to place a stent (a thick wire going up from the bladder to the kidney to help the stone particles pass down) because last time they placed a stent, I had so much pain I ended up in the ICU. Some people don't tolerate the stents and I already had so much inflammation in there from being in the hospital and them trying to "flush the stone out" with IV fluids and it just sat there rattling away in my ureter, yeah, that was NOT fun. The worst pain of my life for about 6 hours. I might've written about it previously but I can't remember. Other things to pray for: perfect pain control when I wake up because of my high tolerance of pain meds since I already have to be on a continuous level for my back problems, no anxiety before the procedure, safety throughout the procedure and for everyone treating me to be empathetic, kind, and fantastic at their job! Also, I am in quite a bit of pain right now at home and am praying that God will just take the pain away and let me rest tonight before the procedure.

Thanks so much for anyone who is able to pray, I know God is with me and I am trusting in Him to take care of me!

I'm Alive

Just wanted to say before I go to bed with my crazy sleep schedule, that I am honestly so thankful for life. Every day to be alive and with the people and know that God has prepared an eternal, amazing place for all of us to be together with no more suffering or pain is amazing and hopeful to think about. And this is what I want to focus on in the good times and the hard times, the times of laughter with my hubby and loved ones, and the times of extreme pain and just trying to get through each hour. No matter how much pain we go through here on earth, it will not always be like this, simply because Jesus loves us so much that he took all of our mistakes upon his shoulders so we could have that perfect "happily ever after" that we all dream of in our hearts. How awesome it is to know that those words are not just a fairy tale!

 

The suffering and pain that my hubby and I go through, although grueling, tiring, and just out-right FRUSTRATING at times? I would not choose to go back before this all happened and have it disappear. Because our love is deeper, our faith is stronger, our hope is more genuine, and our longing to be with Jesus and home where we belong is more real. Believe me: I don't like pain. In fact, I despise it. I don't like it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. But there's something about pain that makes us realize what's really important in life. There's something about it that gets into our heart and says "hey, life's not meant to be like this. There must be something better than this!" If we choose to handle life's suffering in a positive way, we will grow deep, deep roots that cannot be uprooted when the storms of life come one after another. We will be able to appreciate the simple things of life like having a whole day without pain, enjoying a movie and laughing hysterically with our spouse or loved one, spending precious time with family, and just spending time worshiping God whether it's through music, being out in His creation, encouraging others, or filling ourselves up with His word and applying it to our daily lives.

 

I totally admit, I am not perfect at this lifestyle of constantly being thankful. I have times of worrying about our future, about our finances, if I will ever get better, if my husband will ever grow out of his crazy migraines that he's done soooooo many things to try to alleviate, and how we will survive. But I know that my God says "Cast all your cares on Him and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." (Psalm 55:22).

One book I have been reading for encouragement lately is a book by Joni Eareckson Tada (let me know if you want the title!), who is an amazing Christian woman who was paralyzed by a diving accident at the age of 14. Since then she has led many, many people to the Lord through her testimony and started her own organization for helping the disabled, as well as speaking about her hope and the wisdom she's learned through her disability all around the world. It is so encouraging. The verse she quoted while I was reading a few nights ago was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." And this is the verse I want to follow in my life right now while things are difficult. I don't want to stop praying and asking for God's healing, presence, comfort, love, and peace to be with my husband and me. I want to give him all of my honest thoughts but always knowing that I am rejoicing in His salvation and in the rewards of heaven to come. I don't ever want to get stuck in a rut of negativity. I want to give thanks for the things that I have, because I have so many blessings in my life, even on some of the worst days. God has always provided everything I need, and He will continue to provide, just like His word says! And He will do the same thing for you. Just keep trusting, keep persevering. Don't give up. Don't let your spiritual "fuel tank" go empty so that you get depressed and hopeless about life. And encourage others like me to stay on the path of thanksgiving and hopefulness!

 

Oh, and Happy Belated Easter! We weren't able to celebrate Easter this year with family because we were both really sick, which was hard, but we certainly celebrated in our hearts. So I'll leave you with a couple pictures of some eggs we dyed... last year! lol.  :-)