I can't think of a title!!!

Well, I didn't end up having to go the hospital! I endured some of the most painful times of my life, and I've had a lot of them, bought I fought, and people prayed, and I went onto a liquid diet to help control the crohn's flare up. Right now I haven't really eaten since Saturday, except a couple of bites of Top Ramen and some Saltines, and even they don't do that well with my gut. I started the most evil medicine in the world (but the ONLY one that will help me), Prednisone, and I think it's finally starting to help. But the side effects, just to list a few, make it harder to sleep, cause anxiety & depression, can make me jittery, moody, cause weight gain, increase appetite, and cause a thing called "moonface" where your face swells up and makes it look like, well, a moon I guess... and these are only short-term side effects. But I am praying that I will get better on this low dose of Prednisone and then be able to taper off of it fairly quickly and not get all of those nasty side effects, including long-term ones like adrenal gland suppression, liver failure, etc... honestly, I am on a lot of meds that have terrible side-effects and I just have to trust God and know that it's better to be on these drugs than to be dying in a hospital room. God is in control of my life, and worrying will not add any days or minutes to mine.

I think I will end my post with a random list of things I'm feeling/doing/experiencing/wanting:

- I'm hungry, but the hunger gets less each day, because I think my stomach is getting used to liquids only and consuming less calories (I'm guessing maybe 1200-1400 a day).

- I was sooo happy to be able to eat some Ramen tonight, but a little scared that it'll cause more pain the further down it goes in my intestines.

- I have lost 10 pounds since Saturday, and that is about the only positive thing that has come from this flare-up.

- I don't even know if most people hear the term "flare-up" very often; it just means my crohn's disease (inflammatory bowel disease) is in its active stages and needs to be controlled.

- I missed my hubby a lot today when he went to work and came home late. Although I want him to be healthy and go to work, I have to admit I love having him home when I'm sick.

- Speaking of sick, I am getting sick of Ensure drinks, which are my only source of nutrition right now besides V8 Splash juice and the occasional saltine/spoon of Ramen.

- I really hope to be able to eat something new tomorrow, anything besides the things mentioned above.

- If anyone has any questions about what Crohn's Disease is, or how it affects me, I'd be happy to answer!

- I am SO thankful for my family, friends, church, etc. who are all continually praying for me.

- Playing with my kitties and focusing on anything besides myself helps me keep my sanity during the day.

I think I'll end here and go relax, read some blogs, watch tv, check my facebook, etc. Right now I have a feeling that things might be turning around for the good, and I hope that feeling stays. I know that God has never left my side, and even through the toughest times, He is watching over me and I am so blessed to have an amazing husband who stands by me through all of it with the most loving, compassionate heart. I didn't have crohn's before we were married, so I think God put us together to help us through these tough times in our lives (although sometimes I think he's a better caretaker than I am with him!)

Have a good rest of the week!

~Melissa

P.S. - I love this song and just remembered how encouraging the lyrics are, so I posted it here, but realized I can't listed to it right now or I will cry! Too many emotions over here!